I haven’t been very good to you lately tumblr. I haven’t been very good to anyone as a matter of fact. My friends. My family. Myself. I’m just so frustrated with the fact that nothing is stable. I have nothing to depend on. If something is good today, it will likely suck tomorrow. The more I worry the worse it gets, but since I’m stuck feeling like it’s going to get worse I only worry about it more. It’s an endless cycle and I don’t know what to do about it anymore. Therapy has done nothing for me because as hard as I try when it comes down to it I suck at being open with anyone. I constantly feel like I have nothing, like I’m drowning in my thoughts and feelings because I have no one to share them with. I know there are people who would be more than happy to listen and I appreciate it, don’t get me wrong but it doesn’t seem to help. I don’t feel like the conversations are productive. They don’t make me feel better. I don’t get anything off my chest.
Wah. I hate sounding like this but I don’t know where else to let it out.
Funny I’ve been feeling like this for some time now too. I’m sure for very different reasons but it really does suck when even talking to someone about it doesn’t help. Feeling down always has a spiraling effect. I’ve been looking for ways to change the direction of my mood but yeah… nothing seemed to work I even considered putting a huge long thing on Tumblr but refrained.
Besides drinking a shitload of caffiene and cleaning my room while listening to Ska music, the best way (I know of) to deal with life when you feel like everything’s shitty is to remember that your friends are there. Even if you can’t express everything to them and you feel disconnected, they are there for ya. And yes things change, nothing is truly stable. The best way to cope is to prepare for it and learn how to rely on your inner strengths when these changes hit hard.
Anyways hope you find something that’ll reverse those feelings you got and keep on fighting! Kick those downer thoughts in the fuckn ass.
2009, so far, seems to be the year that minimalism is finally “crossing over” into more popular realms. While the uniquely American style has always flirted with contemporaneous popular musics, based largely around their commonalities in repetitive structure and rhythmic intensity, the attention to detail and the patience demanded of the listener have kept it from having more popular appeal. Here and there, artists on both sides of the divide (like Glenn Branca or Tortoise), have seemingly struck compositional gold treading the fertile middle ground of minimalism and popular music, yet their successes are largely unduplicated.
That is, until recently: it almost seems like the last five years have been setting up 2009 to be the year that popular art music and artsy popular music finally combine. Of the artists on my “halftime” list, a full HALF of them have overt, unquestionably minimalist tendencies. Now, I’d be normally inclined to write this off as my personal taste: I love minimalism, and it heavily influences both my original work and my listening. However, the albums that I make mention of here are all perennial critical darlings, which leads me to believe that audiences are finally patient enough to begin digesting really experimental art music in the popular canon.
Which, of course, brings us to Justin Vernon. Now, this name, and the name of his critically acclaimed project, Bon Iver, shouldn’t be unfamiliar to anyone reading this blog (or reading popular music criticism in general over the last year), and rightfully so: the haunting, gorgeously rendered brand of roots-Americana that Vernon delivered on last year’s debut, “For Emma, Forever Ago”, and the now-infamous story of its cloistered creation, wormed its way onto every best-of-2008 list that counts. This release seemed to open a wellspring of creative material from Vernon, and the rabid devotion of his fanbase nigh-demanded a stop-gap EP.
Vernon’s minimalist leanings, the early traces of which could be found on “For Emma”, have been amplified and focused more strongly on “Blood Bank”, particularly in the songs “Babys” (posted above) and “Woods”. “Woods”, a novel take on the ubiquitous sounds of AutoTune that flooded the airwaves in 2008 and the early part of 2009, transport the vocal effect from a cliched R&B trick to an otherworldly celebration of layered timbre. Minimalism lends itself to Vernon, and Vernon to Minimalism: the stratified, repetitive themes of minimalism make it easy for a single person to produce lush, dense soundscapes, and Vernon’s plaintive, doleful lyric and melodic ideas work especially well when layered and repeated in a minimalist context. A penchant for unique sounds and rustic, spartan recording methods keep his work from becoming sterile, however. In a way, Vernon’s elegian, Usonian aesthetic transforms what could be standard, lo-fi roots-folk into an aural, Midwestern analogue to Cormac McCarthy’s sparse, brutal neo-Westerns. This is a far cry from The Hold Steady’s anthems of loud riffs and bad behavior in the upper Midwest: this is a far different, far simpler, and far more meaningful take on the Midwest.
And as I was putting some of my old fiction books into boxes something very important to me slipped out of one of the pages.
The book is irrelevant. I hid this item for a reason and chose the most random novel so I wouldn’t remember where I placed it. But there it was in my hand. I dismantled it and ripped the picture into as many pieces as I could, then threw it away.
It hurt alot. Because I was finally giving up on a fantasy I had been holding onto for quite some time.
But something I learned years ago- accepting reality and moving on from what obviously is not meant for you is the best thing you can do for yourself. It opens more oppurtunities and puts you in a more powerful position than you could have imagined before. I wasn’t even aware I hadn’t come to terms with this. But doing so is truly a moment to remember. Wow.
I didn’t realize cleaning my room could incite so much introspection.